


Ambitiously Fondled

by greycedetective



Category: Dirk Gently - Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Brotzly - Freeform, Douglas Adams References, Drinking, Hand Jobs, Hotel Sex, Implied Farah/Tina?, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Shared Hotel Room Trope, Torchwood allusion, aspec Dirk, demi!Dirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:01:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greycedetective/pseuds/greycedetective
Summary: Dirk, Todd, Farah, and Tina wrap up a case in Santa Fe involving a partly missing cat named Gusty Winds.  A weird hotel room layout helps things along when the boys end up sharing a room.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 15
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic! Not beta'd (I don't know anyone yet) so please don't hesitate to give harsh feedback / Britpick / &c. I’m a technical writer in “real life" and this is my first attempt at stretching creatively.
> 
> The title comes from a snippet of dialog from 01x04, viz.:  
> Todd: Look, Dirk, I'm just trying to deal with the realities you keep dragging me into. You climbed the fence, you cranked the thing, you fell into the... thing.  
> Dirk: Let's not reinvent the truth. That fence was not climbed, just ambitiously fondled.

Todd rubbed his thumb over the knuckles of the opposite hand, making a scratchy, rustling sound. “I should’ve known it would be drier here. I mean, I _did_ know. I guess I wasn’t thinking about it when I packed.” He jammed his hands into his pockets to stop himself from rubbing them raw. _More raw. Rawer. Is rawer a word? Rawr?_ Punch-drunk and exhausted, he giggled out loud.

It had taken not quite an hour for the team to get a lead on Gusty Winds, the client’s half-missing cat. They’d come up more than full-handed when Dirk crashed the rental car into a literal, legiteral sign from the Universe on a back road he’d insisted they take from the airport in Albuquerque to their hotel in Santa Fe. Mid-sentence in a rant nobody was paying attention to, Dirk had jammed the brakes so hard that Farah taught everyone a new curse word. The car, peeved at going from 85 to 0 in a blink, shuddered off the road. It came to rest against a yellow signpost that was half-hidden behind a tallish dune and a gathering of desert shrubs. 

“GUSTY WINDS,” the sign said in large letters.

“May Exist,” it added underneath, in small letters.

“Don’t panic,” Dirk said, “but I’ve found a clue. THE clue.”

The following 72 nearly-sleepless hours had involved a great deal more sand, Irish salmon, worn travel guides, towels, potted petunias, construction equipment, bad poetry, and Chesterfield sofas than any number of half-missing cats could have asked for. Which, considering that they’d located a nearly infinite number of cat halves, just about caused the math work out.

Now the four of them were swaying in the kitschy hotel lobby – wrung out, filthy, and for once mostly uninjured – not quite arguing about sleeping arrangements.

“Boys in one, girls in the other,” Tina said. “Simple, right?”

Dirk brought his attention down from whichever part of the ceiling it had been focused on. His face was doing The Thing. Well, one of the Things. The I’m-Trying-Hard-Not-to-Let-on-That-I’m-Thinking Thing, to be exact. It hid nothing at all.

“Todd? Farah? Are you sure you two wouldn’t rather….?” He ended on a hum that sounded like a question mark, eyebrows following the vocal trajectory back to the ceiling.

Tina grabbed Farah’s wrist and pulled, bending forward with the effort of dragging Farah toward the elevator. “G’night, boys,” she said in reply. “Don’t wake me up tomorrow.” Farah waved without apology, grin wide, as the doors closed between the two pairs of friends.

Todd pulled a room key from his pocket while Dirk’s face did a jig of nervous energy and his characteristic broken joy. The way he could look at once elated and heartsick, like a lost child with a new toy, made Todd’s insides ache. 

Just as well that Todd didn’t have to explain how things had never panned out with Farah, how it had all fizzled into stilted non-attempts to date once the agency was set up. She had new challenges to spend her time on now. It hadn’t hurt so much as taken a brief turn for the awkward before resettling into routine. Tina must’ve known it was a conversation nobody wanted to have. That was definitely all it was. Probably.

“C’mon, Dirk. You can have first shower.” Todd swung the key back and forth from its fob. He indicated down the hallway with a nod.

Dirk fairly vibrated as they strode down the over-decorated hallway to their room. The owners, first-gen Americans relying solely on tourists seeking a gen-u-wine, cartoonish Southwest experience, decorated with everything vaguely desert-related they could find. And they spent a _lot_ of time looking for new décor, it seemed. What they lacked in knowledge of the area’s history or aesthetics they more than made up for in sheer numbers. Barely two inches of wall was exposed in any one place. It fit Dirk’s ever-present enthusiasm perfectly, as if they could expect anything else when on a case. Todd smiled in a way that pulled his eyebrows down, a small piece of his chest burning for the detective who’d spent so much of his life without friends that he still couldn’t hold it together at the thought of hanging out in the same hotel room for a night.

The room was a typical double with two beds, a dresser and desk, an armchair, a bathroom, and more thrift store “southwest” decorations than the walls were designed to hold. Todd spent so long looking from one googly-eyed cowboy cactus to another that he didn’t realize Dirk had been silent and still for nearly a full minute.

“Everything okay?” he asked, half turning his face toward Dirk but unable to take his eyes off a bright orange thunderbird in a sarape. 

“Peachy, yeah. Perfect. Nothing weird or wrong at _all_. Totally normal, nothing to worry about. Delightful, in fact. Lovely.”

“I know, right? It’s trippy as fuck. They must’ve been collecting this stuff for years. Decades, maybe. You think all the rooms are like this?”

“Hmm.”

Todd tore his eyes off the walls. He followed Dirk’s gaze to the bathroom. 

Or, well, not quite a separate room, really. More of a lightly glazed glass partition between the shower and the rest of the room. The toilet was behind a real wall, thank fuck, but good _lord_.

“Why would they…?” Todd didn’t bother finishing the thought. Dirk was breathing like a marathoner, nostrils wide with the effort of looking nonchalant. “Hey, whoa. Easy, man. It’s gonna be okay. Look, I’ll put in my earbuds and be on my phone facing the other way, alright? This is no big deal. It’s weird as hell, sure, but it’s not a problem.”

“Right. Right, of course. No problem at all. I lived at school, after all. I've lived in a lab. No modesty left in me, I’m afraid.” He really did sound afraid. “I’ll just. Get to it. Then.” He stood as still as Todd had ever seen him.

Todd shrugged, pulled his earbuds out of his duffel, and arranged himself on the bed, facing away from the shower. “Take all the time you need, dude. Tap me when it’s my turn,” he said. 

\--------

Dirk had been looking forward to rinsing away the grime and tension of the case. It had been a long week without much in the way of sleep or privacy. Now, instead of coming down off the high of the case with a hot shower, his blood thrummed in his ears more than it had when he’d nearly been brained by a flying gold lemon yesterday. Or was it two days ago?

He slumped against the tiled wall and let out a slow breath.

Through the light glaze of the shower stall’s glass he could see the outline of Todd on the bed nearest the door, head bopping along to a bass line that was audible from across the room. He was stretched out with his legs behind him, hips pressed into the mattress, defined-but-not-burly shoulders propping him up as he leaned on his elbows playing some meaningless phone game. 

“Damn,” Dirk hissed, startling himself with the acid of it. He froze, watching to see if Todd reacted. Nothing. Alright then, that’s good to know. 

His skin ached and itched. 

_Might as well. Er. Right._

_Yup._

_Any minute now. Just. Just stop staring at his bare feet, for heaven’s sake, you don’t even have a foot fetish._

_Hold on a tick._ **Do** _I have a foot fetish?_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_Nnnnnno....? No. Probably not._

Dirk pushed off the cool yellow tile with a roll of his shoulders, placed his hands against the glass wall for balance, and toed off his shoes. The buzz under his skin made every surface and movement feel like attraction, which made him annoyed, which in turn made his heart thump harder in his chest. Dirk didn’t think of Todd’s bluest-blue eyes while undoing his belt. Didn’t dwell on the way a short goatee focused attention on Todd’s mouth and sharpened his otherwise boyish features while he undid his tie and opened his dress shirt. Certainly, _certainly_ did not reminisce about the way the open-collared cop shirt he’d borrowed from the Bergsberg Sherriff’s Department had been the epitome of an invitation to run his tongue up Todd’s throat. Nope. He didn’t.

 _Fuck._ He did, a bit. 

A chill shook him hard enough to jumpstart him into turning on the shower, stripping out of his remaining clothes at lightning speed, and stepping under the spray without caring whether it was too hot or too cold. He tested out the new curse he’d learned from Farah, adjusted the shower temperature away from HELL, and focused on returning his breathing to nearly normal.

The water sluiced down his shoulders and back. He shuddered from the heat, gritted his teeth, and focused on the shampoo. _One step at a time. Don’t think about being naked in the same room with Todd. Don’t. Todd deserves a better friend than that. DON’T be a bad friend, don't you dare._

The routine of washing his face and hair eased Dirk’s tension back to normal levels. It was going to be fine. His mind drifted over nothing in particular, flitting between small details of the case, of traveling, on the absurdity of a bathroom stall with yellow tile and a teal blue floor and no. damn. walls.

Washing his torso was going to be another business altogether. This was no time to, er, _linger_ the way he ached to do. He shoved the shower dial nearly all the way to freezing, soaped as fast as he could, rinsed, and switched it off. There. Job well done.

_Oh god._

He’d forgotten to grab a change of clothes.

\---

“Todd?!” Dirk’s voice was so shrill that Todd’s first instinct was to look for a weapon. He jumped to his feet. Where was Farah, would she be hard to reach? Aw hell, wasn’t the case solved already? Shouldn’t the surprises and dangers be done for the moment? Had another case begun already? 

Dirk's face peeked out from a half-inch gap of open shower door. “Don’t! Don’t look! Christ, sorry. Todd, um. I forgot my bag. Could you… ah.” Silence. Todd frowned with the effort of not looking, coming down from the panic of thinking they were in danger, and the usual underlying annoyance of waiting for Dirk to finish a thought while flustered.

“Want me to bring it over?”

“Yes. Or close your eyes. I can get it if you’re not looking.”

“Dude, don’t you have a towel?”

“… Yes?”

Todd rolled his eyes. “So just wrap it around and c’mon out. I’m not gonna make fun of you, man. We’re friends, remember? Jesus, what was your life _like_ before?”

“What? Oh, right. Of course. Yes, _so_ many bullies. I’m very self-conscious. That’s the issue, absolutely. Er, hang on just a moment. I’ll be right out.”

Todd sank down on the edge of the bed, crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned back slightly. _This is how people look nonchalant, right?_ Why had he forgotten what to do with his hands? 

There had been times that Todd had admired Dirk physically. Most people towered over Todd while Dirk was just tall enough to be interesting without being intimidating. Slender and strong, with long legs and arms that were better muscled than most would guess from the way he hid under so many layers. The jacket, tie, and shiny belt buckle combo drew the eyes to Dirk’s neck, chest, and waist. It made him look lean, almost graceful. (So long as he didn’t move or talk at all.) A mobile face dominated by a clever, expressive mouth. Todd would’ve made a move months ago if Dirk had ever seemed the type to be attracted to anyone. But he wasn’t. 

Was he? 

_No, definitely not. He doesn’t know how to keep a secret. He would’ve said something by now if I’m his type._ _If I’m not his type and the rainbow monster wasn’t his type after she turned into a human, maybe he just doesn’t have any types? I mean, okay, there’s a lot of types, but still. Whatever, that’s cool._ And it was. A pity, but cool _. ‘Cause that rainbow gal had some rockin’ legs._ _Whew_. 

Wait, was Dirk even human? Was he ace or something else altogether? Todd looked up from where he’d been staring at his own wrists, chin against his chest, lost in thought.

If the skinny tie and jacket combo drew attention to Dirk’s chest, it had nothing on the sight of him standing there in a fresh towel. His posture was tense, almost shivering. Deep pink flushes of color ran down his pecs, legs, and stomach. His hair stood on end with damp, looking invitingly soft and clean. A humid whiff of hotel soap wafted toward Todd as he noted the beads of water pebbled on Dirk’s lightly muscled shoulders. Todd’s mouth ran dry at the thought of licking them off. Dirk’s skin would be smooth and firm, the water would taste of him and of shampoo, maybe a bit of salt. What would it be like to run his tongue along the curve of Dirk’s bicep? 

“Awesome.” _Jesus_ , why did he say that out loud? “Alright, I’m gonna grab my shower if you’re done? My earbuds are there if you want. I don’t care either way, use ‘em or don’t. I don’t get stage fright any more, y’know?” _Shut UP, Todd. Shut up shut up shut up._ He grabbed sleep clothes from his bag on a beeline for the shower stall.

\---

_Ohhhh no._ That had done it. Todd was so embarrassed that he’d begun raving. _Good one, Dirk._ He must look flustered. Or had the freezing shower tipped Todd off? Christ, what did it even matter? _Change, hide under the covers until the flight the day after tomorrow, never speak to or look at Todd again. An excellent plan._

Or maybe the trick was the go the other way, act like it’s all fine. That made sense, didn’t it? Dirk pulled out a clean pair of purple cotton pajama bottoms and a black undershirt, leaving the pajama top in the bag. Time to play the Clueless Foreigner card. The number of things people were willing to forgive or ignore if they thought it was a cultural hiccup were nearly endless. He could convince Todd that he was comfortable in his European skin while Americans were needlessly prudish, surely. Dirk was not unaware that he already got away with any number of odd behaviors, what was one more? Yes, he would be confidently (nearly) shirtless. Todd would be none the wiser that it was a cover for being vulnerable without several layers of clothing.

 _Good god_ , he'd love a drink. Where was the Universe when he truly needed its help?

Todd’s voice was clear over the sound of the steaming shower. “By the way, there’s a bottle of brown sugar bourbon in my rucksack. I brought it from home to celebrate whenever we finished the case. Dunno if it’s your style, but it’s there if you want it.”

“Oh, I very much want it,” Dirk said, uncaring of how it sounded in his rush to find the promised treasure. 

\---

This was good. If Todd could keep the conversation going he wouldn’t stop too long to think about being naked in semi-plain view.

“I tried some at the store a few weeks ago. It tastes like you.” _Dammit._ Todd cleared his throat. “Like, it reminded me of you, y’know? I thought maybe it would be a fun splurge. Farah wouldn’t let me expense it, though.”

Two beats of silence. Then, “do you know, I once expensed an entire tropical vacation. Sat on the beach for a week downing those twee little umbrella drinks until I forgot my own name. Turned out to be vital to solving the case.”

Todd shifted his weight around, taking extra care not to dwell on a tanned Dirk with saltwater hair. “I bet it was.”

“Being facetious doesn’t suit you, To—oh my _GOD_.”

“What?? What? Are you okay?” Todd slammed the water off, barely remembering to grab a towel in his rush to open the stall door.

“It’s _so_ good.” Dirk’s voice was low and calm, the voice he saved for bewildering clues, disasters, and the moment when all the pieces clicked together. “I don’t drink bourbon, really. Do they all taste like this? Maybe I should start.” He swirled the drink around in a hotel highball glass he’d found on the desk.

“No, uh,” Todd slid back into the shower stall, relieved Dirk hadn’t turned his way but still feeling exposed and self-conscious. “No, that one is unique. It tasted like a cinnamon roll to me. That’s why it made me think of you.”

“I’m a cinnamon roll?” Dirk snorted. “Meaning what, exactly?”

Todd laughed. “It’s slang. It means you’re too beautiful and pure for this world, Dirk. Like, you’ve been through the fire and you’re still sweet. I meant it more like the drink is surprising, though, you know? It’s not burny the way most cinnamon drinks are. Not cloying, either, like some flavored whiskeys. It’s a nice balance of hot and smooth.” _For fuck’s sake, Todd, shut your goddamn mouth._ “So, uh. It – anyway, it seemed like something you might like.” He jammed his feet through the legs of a pair of blue sleep shorts and yanked on a green band tee, adjusting the fit of the shirt as he opened the shower stall door. 

“Thank you, Todd. It’s perfect.” A ribbon of scarlet ran from ear to ear across Dirk’s face. He was seated on the floor with his back against one of the beds, postured as if trying to tuck in on himself like a shy child. His legs were drawn to his chest, arms crossed overtop his knees, the glass dangling from one hand while the other hung slack. His gaze shifted from the glass to Todd, causing him to light up with his lonely, incandescent, I’m- _so_ -glad-we’re-friends smile. Taking a swig that looked a little too large, he patted the floor next to him. “Join me?”

“Yeah, alright.”

\---

“So that’s why everything more than four came out to be a suffusion of yellow.” Dirk stopped. He’d zoned out on his own story, rambling to keep from thinking about the way Todd’s thigh and arm pressed into his side. The heat of it burned into him. He lifted his glass to his lips, noticed it was empty, recalled having noticed that several times previously, and rebalanced it on his knee. 

Todd looked as zoned out as Dirk felt. He also tried to drink from an empty glass, tongue flicking against the rim, before he realized there wasn’t any left. Dirk let out a long breath at the sight it.

“Huh. Cool. Listen, I’m gettin’ old, I think,” Todd said. “Two’s my limit any more. I’m wiped out, aren’t you? Ready for bed?”

“God, am I,” Dirk replied, still focused on Todd’s mouth. He tried turning his head away but his eyes wouldn’t obey. A rough hand brushing his own made him jump.

“I’ll put the glasses in the sink?” Todd lifted the glass from Dirk’s hand and extended his other as an invitation to help Dirk up.

Later, in mental replay, Dirk could never work out what had clicked in his brain as he swung up to full height. He stood within inches of Todd, neither stepping away to make more personal space. There was no thought involved, no conscious effort or decision. Dirk realized it had happened before he knew he was moving. One moment he was rising to his feet, the next he was brushing a tuft of curls away from Todd’s forehead. His hand skimmed Todd’s cheek before his eyes told his brain what was going on. He froze with horror, heart and hand stopped dead. _What have you done, you utter utter arse._ It was too intimate. _He’ll know now._ Dirk slowly lifted his hand away, inner monologue a claxon toll of panic.

“I –” Words wouldn’t form. “I. Oh. Ah.” _Focus, idiot_. “I’m so, so sorry, Todd. I don’t know –”

“Dude, stop.”

Dirk felt all the blood evaporate from his body. The mental alarm bells turned into a screech. Was the face Todd was making a grimace or a grin? Why did they look so damn similar anyhow?

Todd put a hand on Dirk’s forearm. He squeezed for a beat, then turned away toward the sink to put the glasses down. With his back turned, he said, “look, I know we’ve never really talked about this, but things didn’t pan out with Farah.”

“Ah?” _Eloquent. Nicely played._

Todd continued. “She’s… Or maybe I’m not her type? Anyway, it didn’t work. That’s for the best.”

“I see.” 

Todd sighed. He leaned back against the vanity counter, hands braced against the edge, eyes steady on Dirk. There was a flustered resignation about him, not unlike he’d looked on the drive back to the Ridgely the morning he’d promised to tell Amanda everything. A blush began around the ridge of his nose, spreading to his ears and neck.

“So I’m available, is what I’m saying. I dunno what your thing is, if you’re into… people? It – uh.” Todd was inspecting his own fingernails, suddenly unable to meet Dirk’s stunned stare. “That is, it’s just that… I mean, if you’re into men or whatever, or anyone, or – God, I’m really messing this up, aren’t I?”

“I’m not into people,” Dirk said, his voice sounding far away and metallic, like he was shouting into the bell-end of a tuba. “It’s just you. It’s only you.”

The laugh that exploded out of Todd was equal parts surprise and genuine humor. His face crinkled with joy. It was so beautiful, such an unexpected relief, that Dirk strode over to close the gulf between them. A hand on either side of Todd’s face, he leaned in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The layout of the room comes from a place I stayed once on a business trip. It's been stuck in my mind for years how weird that place was. The choice of Santa Fe / Albuquerque comes from The Salmon of Doubt (the final, unfinished novel in the DGHDA series that Douglas Adams had debating turning into a final-final Hitchhiker novel; I've never read the comics and only found out yesterday there's one by that name as well). I make some not-so-subtle references to the other works of Douglas Adams as a kind of tribute. DA had a house in Santa Fe and often spoke of how much he loved the area, so it seemed like a nice setting.
> 
> Brown Sugar Bourbon is real. It's from the Heritage Distillery in the Seattle-ish area, so it sort of worked itself into the story. It's delightful -- it really does taste of cinnamon roll. If you can find it near you it's worth seeking out (their website has a map). Try it in hot chocolate or cream soda if you don't like your bourbon straight (heh). Just please be of age and all that.
> 
> I've always loved the line from Torchwood where Ianto is talking about Jack to his sister. The way he says, "it's not men, it's just him. It's only him" has stayed with me for a long time. I used it here to capture the demi-aspec qualities I imagine Dirk to have. I don't imagine Dirk watches much in the way of TV, but since the DGHDA books originated as a kind of Doctor Who spinoff it seemed fitting to quote another DW spinoff in the fic.
> 
> The use of "bell-end" is intentional.
> 
> CH2 is in the works, hopefully to be posted within the week. [fingers crossed]


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone knew this was going to take longer than expected, right? We all enjoyed the whooshing of the deadline flying past, I hope. I know I did.

Todd had expected that Dirk would be sloppy and enthusiastic, like an excited puppy. He was not prepared for the slow burn of curious, feline strength that came over him when he was where he needed to be.

The kiss was gentle at first, barely a brush of lips against Todd’s mouth. Dirk had him pinned against the counter, knee situated between his thighs, hands on each side of his face. There was a beat just long enough to scramble Todd's thoughts before Dirk's mouth returned to his. With aching tenderness Dirk pressed harder into the kiss, hips settling against Todd’s with ever more pressure. Todd felt Dirk’s hands slide up from his cheeks into his hair, fingers gliding across his scalp with just enough edge to make his breath hitch and his ass clench. 

Smooth, blisteringly hot skin turned to goosebumps under Todd’s eager fingers. On a hunch (thanks, Universe!) he slipped a hand under Dirk's shirt to run the long thumbnail of his picking hand over Dirk’s ribs and down his stomach. “Mmmm,” Dirk purred, raking his teeth along Todd’s bottom lip. The heat of Dirk hardening against him radiated through the thin fabric of their nightclothes. Desire punched through Todd’s torso at the thought of Dirk wanting him in return. He opened his mouth out of instinct, hands curling into the fabric of Dirk’s undershirt to anchor himself to reality. A hot tongue, quick and clever, slid into Todd’s mouth. Todd tasted sweet bourbon and an unfamiliar deep, masculine flavor. He let out a jagged breath through his nose.

Time stretched. It wibbled a bit around the edges. 

Dirk pulled back for a moment to gaze at Todd’s tousled hair with smug, _did it!_ satisfaction. “Not to be forward, darling," he said, "but we have got two beds right here. Either one might be more comfortable than standing.”

“You’re seriously worried about being _forward_? You just had your tongue in my mouth, dude.”

“Todd, worrying is very nearly the only thing I do, ever. Panic is a close second. Followed by stumbling blindly into chaos. Which makes me worry, QED.”

“Shut up,” Todd chuckled. He pushed lightly at Dirk’s hips, making space to push off from the counter. He absently ran a hand against his own stubble. “Not a bad idea, though.”

Dirk sat on the edge of the closest bed with none of his usual guardedness. His posture was relaxed and welcoming, his eyes dark with promise and hunger. He leaned back on his palms, chin raised slightly to expose his throat. 

Accepting the invitation, Todd straddled Dirk’s lap. He leisurely ran his tongue from throat to earlobe, listening for the small gasps that told him when he’d hit a sensitive spot. He trailed a second line of nibbles and kisses along Dirk’s clavicle until he could feel a heavy pulse pounding under his tongue. The hooded, glazed look that Dirk lavished over him was delightful. He plunged wild and deep with a kiss at last, relishing the way Dirk’s mouth slid against his own and the lightning it sent down his nerves.

One hand caressed maddening circles that inched closer to Todd’s balls with every pass. Another snaked around his back and over his shoulder in a hold that kept them pressed tightly chest-to-chest. Dirk’s kisses were surprising: now feather-soft, now frantic and demanding, running in waves that left Todd feeling dizzy.

Todd slid Dirk’s shirt up and off with barely a pause in their kisses. His hands trailed over firm shoulders, traced the line of Dirk's biceps (how did he get so defined? was there a gym in Black Wing that they could use? Nononono, think of _anything_ else please please _please_ ). He slid a finger under the waistband of Dirk’s pajamas just far enough to draw a delicious noise out of him. Encouraged, Todd pressed further on the next swipe and – to his mild surprise – brushed the tip of Dirk’s head with his fingertips. Dirk panted against Todd’s mouth, hands motionless and gripping tightly. He tipped his forehead against Todd’s. Todd placed his hand safely back on Dirk’s arm.

“Is this real?” Dirk breathed, pupils blown wide. “I have no idea if this is reality. I’m starting to suspect not. Reality isn’t usually this… _this._ ”

“Whoa, Dirk, hold on. Let’s hit pause for a second here. You doing okay? I feel like maybe I went a little too fast for you. Though, kudos, you’re… uh. more? than I was expecting. But seriously though, what’s going on in your head right now?”

“Am I _enough_ for you? Is _this –_ ” Dirk waved a hand at nothing in particular. “—is it _okay_?”

“ _‘This’_ is making out. It’s absolutely, completely more than just okay with me. We can make out, or we can only kiss, or stop and get some sleep, or do whatever makes you happy and comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable or unsure, then it stops being okay with me. Alright?”

“I’m very happy and very, very comfortable,” Dirk said after several seconds of studying Todd’s face. To his credit his gaze only flicked to Todd’s mouth twice. The furrows eased out of his brows. He rested his hands, palm-up, on Todd’s thighs. Todd placed his hands in Dirk’s, feeling a lingering tightness in his ribs. “It’s hard to believe, is all. You have to admit that snogging a hallucination wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I’ve done _today_. Maybe you’re an extradimensional Todd and the real Todd would be horrified. The real Todd used to have groupies, after all.”

“I’m real. I’m not horrified. And groupies are _sticky_."

“Well alright, but a hallucination would hardly say so, would it?”

“Dirk.”

“It’s just that I can’t be sure I’m not drugged and lying in hospital somewhere.”

“DIRK.”

“ _MAYBE_ I crashed the car and –”

“Dirk! _Jesus_. Stop, okay? You can just say you want to take a break. You don’t have to come up with bizarre theories about why.”

Dirk squeezed Todd’s hands. “If you think I’m going to miss out on the chance to,” finger quotes, “‘make out’ –”

Todd rolled his eyes.

“— with any real or hallucinatory version of you then you have a lot to learn about me. First lesson: I would very much like to keep going.”

“ You’re a unique, unpredictable guy, Dirk. Safe to say I will never, ever really know you, I don’t think. Not totally. ”

“Biblically?”

“…I’m sorry?”

“Biblically. You _could_ know me, you know, biblically?” 

“STOP being such a nerd. Is that a yes, then?”

“Yes, Todd. I would very much like to ‘make out’ and more with you now. Especially the ‘and more’ part.”

“If you use finger quotes again I can guarantee that won’t happen.”

Dirk giggled, chin tilted up, face lit with relaxed ease and sweet joy. He brought one of Todd’s hands to his lips and kissed. He kept kissing, lips brushing across each knuckle. He turned their hands so that he could kiss his way up Todd’s index finger. With a sinful expression and steel eye contact, he took it into his mouth and sucked languidly.

“Ah, _shit_ ,” Todd hissed. “That’s way too hot to be fair.”

Dirk grinned, mouth quirked up at one side. He took a second finger into his mouth, ran his tongue along both fingers, sucked hard once with a bit of teeth, and let go with a pop. He nipped at the pulse point at Todd’s wrist before placing Todd’s hand back in their laps with an affectionate little pat-pat.

Their kisses resumed with vigor, Dirk setting the pace. His playfulness didn’t disappear altogether, but it did take on an intensity that boiled in Todd’s veins. Todd kneaded along Dirk’s back and hips, barely able to draw his focus from Dirk’s ruddy, swollen lips and the increasingly unsubtle way Dirk was rutting against him.

Dirk tapped at Todd’s thighs with the flats of his fingers and motioned with his chin as he sat back. Todd stood, though not without discomfort from the way his boxers and sleep shorts pulled and constrained and pulled at him. Dirk slid all the way back onto the bed and mimed removing a shirt; his own already long gone. Todd obliged, then laid down alongside Dirk. They admired each other with matching gawpy smiles.

Todd again slid his thumbnail down Dirk’s chest to his waistband. He leaned over Dirk to place tiny, sweet kisses along his clavicle before following the faint red trail he’d left between Dirk’s pecs and over his stomach. He got approval with eye contact and a nod, then slipped Dirk’s pajama bottoms off.

One hand cupping Dirk’s balls, the other massaging the base of Dirk’s cock, Todd sunk his lips over the head and gently lapped his tongue around the swollen tip.

“Oh,” Dirk sighed with revelation. His voice was high and thready. “You’re _perfect_.” Eyes shut tight, head pressed into the pillow, he ran a hand through Todd’s hair with a soft fondness that belied the tension in his stomach and legs. 

Todd dipped lower and sucked with more enthusiasm. Following cues from Dirk’s breathy twitches, he developed a rhythm that had Dirk shaking before long. 

“Up here,” Dirk said at last, rubbing a thumb along Todd’s jawline. “Please. Not sure I can take much more.”

"One more minute?" Todd asked. Dirk's trembling was almost too gorgeous to give up on.

"So help me, I'll use finger quotes."

Pleased with himself, Todd licked one last long stripe up Dirk’s cock with the flat of his tongue. He settled over Dirk, pressed a kiss into the hollow of his throat. 

Dirk’s next move was powerful. In a heartbeat he’d hooked a knee over Todd’s and rolled them so that he was on top. He ravished Todd’s mouth with heady, insistent kisses. Todd couldn’t help grunting into Dirk’s mouth, which only made Dirk press in harder. Tears welled up behind Todd’s eyes from the waves of _need_ that crashed through him with every rub of Dirk’s body against his own. Boneless, pliant, all Todd could do was place a hand on Dirk’s chest and concentrate on not being ridden over the edge.

When he’d regained a bit of focus, Todd realized that his shorts had been hiked down halfway over his ass already and that Dirk’s hand was on his bare hip.

“Let’s just –” he half-formed the sentence, then tried again. “May I?” He tugged at his shorts to imply taking them the rest of the way off.

“Excellent. Brilliant. Yes _pl_ _ease_.” Dirk’s smile was wicked. His eyes shone.

Todd scooted up so that he was sitting up with his back against the headboard, kicking the remainder of his clothes off as he went. Dirk reached to the nightstand and grabbed a mini bottle of hotel lotion. 

“Give me your hands,” he instructed as he kneeled over Todd’s lap. 

“Okay?”

“You said they were dry.”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess?”

Dirk slathered a generous dollop of citrusy lotion onto his own hands, then slathered it over Todd’s rough, chapped ones. The bright, margarita-like scent mixed with Dirk’s warm, woodsy one, fixing the moment in his memory forever. That thought evaporated, however, when Dirk wrapped his slick hands around both of their cocks and gave them a long, loose pump.

Todd’s hips bucked into Dirk’s grip. He saw stars. More importantly, he saw Dirk’s eyes clench shut and his lips part, tongue flicking against his bottom lip. _Fucking beautiful_ , he thought. Dicks sliding together, their breath coming in pants and cries as the pace grew wild, Todd forced himself to keep his eyes open and watch Dirk come undone. He pressed his hand overtop Dirk’s, tweaking the pressure. Dirk turned his head to the side, face locked in a near-grimace.

“Let go,” Todd told him. “You can let go any time.”

Dirk’s whole body jittered. Head thrown back, muscles tense, he sighed out soft _ah ah ah_ moans in sync with the pulses of come that spurted into their hands. The sight of Dirk so totally ruined -- and the hot, slick feeling of come dripping down his cock under their shared grip -- was too much. The stars went nova and overtook him. Every ounce of tension flooded out of him along with his release. 

Dirk’s lips were against his forehead when Todd was able to think again. They both giggled, unable to put into words the giddy lunacy of what had just happened.

“You’re gorgeous,” Todd told him.

“I’m not. I’m spent, utterly.”

“We’re a mess.”

“Shower? I could use an assistant.”

“Yeah, alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! That was wayyyyyyy more challenging than I thought it would be! I had trouble finding my voice (and theirs) in this. I've the sense that it's going to get several more rounds of "good lord, why did I write THAT" edits, but anyhow here it is at last.
> 
> I decided that Todd does fingerpicking sometimes because I loved the idea of him using nails. No idea if that style of playing is consistent with “mid-2000s alt-rock” or no, but there it is.


End file.
